Monday, February 28, 2011
Zzzz
I have no idea how my sleep schedule has managed to become so screwed up. It was 1am in the morning, and I was still wide awake so I talked to R on facebook. I think that I can attribute that to lack of exercise as well. When I was a kid and I would spend a good 8 or 10 hours a day running around outside and doing stuff, I had no problem going to bed at 9 pm. I don't really see playing outside for 8 to 10 hours a day as a possibility anymore, but, I'm sure I can find a way to spend more time being active than I currently do.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Nits
This is my last year ever. This is weird, graduating and all. I'm not even sure if I will be graduating, right now I'm supposed to be preparing for work, but I'm writing in this. This is just an example of how I work. I always do everything at the last minute, that's how it was for my O levels, I was failing up until the last minute, then I busted my life and passed. That's how it is this semester, I'm failing one module, and now I am finally deciding to try. That's how it was that one night in my bed, just random talking about stuff, up until I thought "Sh, this is going to slip by me" So I just did it. I always want everything to be perfect, but I spend so much time thinking about how I can make them perfect, it is too late, and I have to do something half-assed just to get it done.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Lets kick it old school!
I feel like I've lost that spontaneity. I know that you readers know this, I talk about it a lot in here. There's this whole "you could do that, BUT this is what you really should be doing". I've been listening to that voice a lot more lately. I guess that's because I'm blossoming into a very nice adult.
Or maybe I'm not as spontaneous because my friends aren't as spontaneous anymore, as well?
Maybe we're all growing up?
If it's the latter, then in about 20 to 30 years from now we are all going to be doing some kick ass shit when we all start hitting our mid-life crises.
Red
All of our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone that makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us.
Well, I'm supposed to be an adult now, and I still can't completely figure that one out. But at some point, late at night, near sleep, the ideas and the disagreements sort of dissolve, and you're just left with the people. And people were no different then, as they've always been. And always will be. Young girls get their hearts broken. Men and women suffer alone, over the choices they've made. And young boys, full of confusion... Full of fear... full of love and courage... grow up stealthily in their sleep.
I guess sometimes the ground can shift beneath your feet. Sometimes your footing slips - you stumble. And Sometimes, you grab what's closest to you, and hold on as tight as you can. Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Fitnessfirst
  19/02- Fitnessfirst @ Alexandra 2/03- Toni&Guy Haircutzzz
FF is a definite look-forward to!
Since I've not been seeing anyone since I 'broke up' with Zaki I have found many ways to keep myself busy. This is bad when it comes time to nights and weekends, because I am constantly distracting myself with these little time killers (see current blog entry for an example). It's almost impossible for me to just lie down on my bed and go to sleep. All of this procrastinating and having that nagging thought in the back of my head saying "you should be sleeping for work" makes waking up a miserable process for me. I know that there is a lot to be said for will power, but I just don't have it.
I'm excited for this coming in campus semester. I always get excited before a semester, then when reality hits, and I have to actually get up and go to an eight in the morning class, shit starts to suck. I have high hopes for this semester, though. Need to get motivated.
My group of friends up here is slowly dwindling. I now have one(1) friend (Omar) and two(2) acquaintances that I know from my last attachment at 49. That is about it. I know that I shouldn't be socializing all of the time, but I need a good balance, and I do not get that up here. It's like 90% alone Ida Imelda time, and 10% friend time up here. I need, probably, 60/40 to stay sane. I've always liked keeping to myself, and I do enjoy my alone time, but I do need to get out.
School first, then I make an effort to see people. If I have all A's going into poly, I'll make more of an effort to see people.
Promise!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Temper Trap
Goodbye, Bobby Jean
I'm done with Facebook for a while. I just deleted it, but there are so many good pictures on there that I don't want to lose. These next few years of my life is crucial, so the less time that I waste on Facebook, the better.
In the spirit of the idea that I had to eliminate facebook to leave more time for me, I created this blog. Counterproductive, maybe, but I will only use this when I am bored and remember that I have it. Pretty much the same way that I used Facebook.
Anyway, blogs used to be so much more personal. People used to talk about their hopes and dreams, and lay out their feelings and all of that. Then they got mad that people reacted to that stuff on a public forum. No one does that anymore, I guess we're all growing up :)
Side note I want to feel passionate about something again.
I never wanna leave hibernation room, ever
This might make me sound kind of lame. But how many people do you know that let it all hang out like me? Listening to the Plainsunsets's "Find a way" for the first time again in years has made me incredibly happy. It brings back a lot of memories. I remember standing and waiting for the bus listening to "Up and Go". I remember how cool I used to think screaming in songs was. And this is not one of those "everything was so much better back then" feelings. Because you have no idea how awesome it is to get out of that box. Maybe you do, statistically you don't. It makes everything incredible. But far too often (at least for chronic losers like me) we think about where we went wrong when we look at the past. We don't think about the things we did right. I usually just remember the teenage angst and the longing livejournal posts. In hindsight, I had an amazing teenage experience. And it's shaped me into what I think is an acceptable adult. Despite my shortcomings. Just some thoughts. I'm in a good mood, I hope everyone that was along for the ride that is my past is too.
Well, a crumpled photograph.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Things I want
Castle walls- TI Christina
Friday, February 11, 2011
Yoshimi battles the pink robots-The flaming lips
Sentient beings, in layman terms, humans. Well well, Aren't we all ? This is gonna sound funny but it is really an apt way of describing our nature as it is. Take for example, we fall in love madly with total strangers, even movie stars, and forget that those around us who think we knew too tiresomely well are the ones who are willing to lay their lives for us out of love. Yes, i am referring to the true boundless love of parents that goes beyond most love.
We might pay to see our idols perform without hesitation while having second thoughts about giving more allowance to our parents for their well being. Oh and what about the idea of a terrific good time of drinking till you lose yourselves and then vomit your guts out despite the inevitability of a horrible hellish hangover the next morning? It's really these things that we never really thought of. Perhaps seemingly like the consequences that one may suffer thereafter. There are also countless other absurd idiosyncratic behaviours each of us deliver as an individual. Good or bad, it is never easy to make up for ones' misgivings and never falter again. Not easy at all. So hard it can be that we better start becoming blameless now.
Talk about how time flies. I cannot believe it's already mid feb!!! The year is drawing closer to an end. School has been keeping me busy. And suddenly life seems so settled. Mundane but settled. And for the first time, i'm contented with just the way it is.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Life
Have you ever looked at a person whose blood is the same as that within you and sometimes a common last name summoned by birth and wonder why those aren't even enough to mark love and destroy all the possible negativities between them? After all ,they are the people you grew up with, shared toys with and learnt the truth from the stories exchanged as life burgeons.
But what happens when all those are not enough to make them understand that regardless of it all, blood is always thicker than water and we should stand by family no matter how tough it may be when things get in our way - That brothers, sisters and cousins should always remember that these are the people they should hold true to their heart till the very end of their days. Because behind all of the ever changing circumstances, our parents will always want to see that we will love each other just as well as they have loved us.
If only you all agreed.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Human condition
Year after year and its the same things being written down, the same kind of celebration for the new year , a more selective group of friends for birthday parties and lesser things to be happy about. I would say its all part of growing up. In fact, i think its the right way to grow up. You get older, the more things you experience and happiness is less imminent to the things you thought that once meant the world to you.
Stepping into a town loses its excitement, i start thinking twice, the thrill of being the center of attention and all that shenanigan slowly but surely diminishes. I then ponder on how much time I've wasted. Both on 'friends' that weren't worth a penny right down to getting into arguments with ' ex-boyfriends' who when i think of right now, makes me want to regurgitate into a pail and force it all down their throats. Believe me, i could do all that. Sue me after for all i care but it won't be much of a remedy on my part because all of the time wasted is lost in a past i can no longer re-create.
However, I am not going to make up excuses and regrets. On the direct contrary, it's really just a blessing in disguise. I mean where will i be if none of those things happened to me? I would have been 18 and still walking around thinking that my world is surrounded with people who wants to party hard every other weekend and it is the same kind of people that want to have as many friends as they can just to fill some void in their heart? Who tells me that the person they have been close with is sometimes a pain in the ass and i'm supposed to think that i wasn't a possible victim of theirs? What kind of a hypocritical situation are you trying to land yourselves in? Many lack the ability to tell the truth. They're afraid to get angry , they want to keep a flawless and untainted impression of themselves and so they resort to telling some other friend about the shit he/she has been causing them instead of being upfront altogether with the one who is actually pissing them off.
What this world needs is someone who can show their true colors and not be afraid to do so. To absorb the veracity of their character from within and execute it with full potential. To be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know that the person looking back is a full-fledged YOU.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Combat baby- Metric
I could have done so much more with life if only i got my sleeping hours right. I only turn in at 2am and get up at 5am in the morning everyday.
The past few nights have been hardcore. The morning and afternoon shifts are a cut throat killer. I'm barely getting any sleep because i have to get up at certain timings on selected days just to sedate other daylight activities i am responsible for.
Anyhow, I promised a great day tomorrow.
Nip tuck is on right now.
So goodbye!
Glory box- Potishhead
I never meant to be all the bad things i have been. This world is a full cycle of cause and effect and whether you like it or not, it is, unfortunately, a cruel cruel world. Simply said, even the kindest souls these days live for themselves. Whoever that is up there gave us a pair of eyes to conveniently see what is in front of us but not eyes above or below because i very much believe that no one should behave anymore pompous than anyone else . We were all made only to live and see life ahead of us, but sadly, slowly but surely, see it fade away as age catches up and we will then find it hard to patch ourselves up both on the inside and out.
Getting morbid, aren't we all?
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Ida Imelda
Wordy.
credits
livejournal
the person who put this together
|
Monday, February 28, 2011
Zzzz
I have no idea how my sleep schedule has managed to become so screwed up. It was 1am in the morning, and I was still wide awake so I talked to R on facebook. I think that I can attribute that to lack of exercise as well. When I was a kid and I would spend a good 8 or 10 hours a day running around outside and doing stuff, I had no problem going to bed at 9 pm. I don't really see playing outside for 8 to 10 hours a day as a possibility anymore, but, I'm sure I can find a way to spend more time being active than I currently do.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Nits
This is my last year ever. This is weird, graduating and all. I'm not even sure if I will be graduating, right now I'm supposed to be preparing for work, but I'm writing in this. This is just an example of how I work. I always do everything at the last minute, that's how it was for my O levels, I was failing up until the last minute, then I busted my life and passed. That's how it is this semester, I'm failing one module, and now I am finally deciding to try. That's how it was that one night in my bed, just random talking about stuff, up until I thought "Sh, this is going to slip by me" So I just did it. I always want everything to be perfect, but I spend so much time thinking about how I can make them perfect, it is too late, and I have to do something half-assed just to get it done.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Lets kick it old school!
I feel like I've lost that spontaneity. I know that you readers know this, I talk about it a lot in here. There's this whole "you could do that, BUT this is what you really should be doing". I've been listening to that voice a lot more lately. I guess that's because I'm blossoming into a very nice adult.
Or maybe I'm not as spontaneous because my friends aren't as spontaneous anymore, as well?
Maybe we're all growing up?
If it's the latter, then in about 20 to 30 years from now we are all going to be doing some kick ass shit when we all start hitting our mid-life crises.
Red
All of our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone that makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us.
Well, I'm supposed to be an adult now, and I still can't completely figure that one out. But at some point, late at night, near sleep, the ideas and the disagreements sort of dissolve, and you're just left with the people. And people were no different then, as they've always been. And always will be. Young girls get their hearts broken. Men and women suffer alone, over the choices they've made. And young boys, full of confusion... Full of fear... full of love and courage... grow up stealthily in their sleep.
I guess sometimes the ground can shift beneath your feet. Sometimes your footing slips - you stumble. And Sometimes, you grab what's closest to you, and hold on as tight as you can. Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Fitnessfirst
19/02- Fitnessfirst @ Alexandra 2/03- Toni&Guy Haircutzzz
FF is a definite look-forward to!
Since I've not been seeing anyone since I 'broke up' with Zaki I have found many ways to keep myself busy. This is bad when it comes time to nights and weekends, because I am constantly distracting myself with these little time killers (see current blog entry for an example). It's almost impossible for me to just lie down on my bed and go to sleep. All of this procrastinating and having that nagging thought in the back of my head saying "you should be sleeping for work" makes waking up a miserable process for me. I know that there is a lot to be said for will power, but I just don't have it.
I'm excited for this coming in campus semester. I always get excited before a semester, then when reality hits, and I have to actually get up and go to an eight in the morning class, shit starts to suck. I have high hopes for this semester, though. Need to get motivated.
My group of friends up here is slowly dwindling. I now have one(1) friend (Omar) and two(2) acquaintances that I know from my last attachment at 49. That is about it. I know that I shouldn't be socializing all of the time, but I need a good balance, and I do not get that up here. It's like 90% alone Ida Imelda time, and 10% friend time up here. I need, probably, 60/40 to stay sane. I've always liked keeping to myself, and I do enjoy my alone time, but I do need to get out.
School first, then I make an effort to see people. If I have all A's going into poly, I'll make more of an effort to see people.
Promise!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Temper Trap
Goodbye, Bobby Jean
I'm done with Facebook for a while. I just deleted it, but there are so many good pictures on there that I don't want to lose. These next few years of my life is crucial, so the less time that I waste on Facebook, the better.
In the spirit of the idea that I had to eliminate facebook to leave more time for me, I created this blog. Counterproductive, maybe, but I will only use this when I am bored and remember that I have it. Pretty much the same way that I used Facebook.
Anyway, blogs used to be so much more personal. People used to talk about their hopes and dreams, and lay out their feelings and all of that. Then they got mad that people reacted to that stuff on a public forum. No one does that anymore, I guess we're all growing up :)
Side note I want to feel passionate about something again.
I never wanna leave hibernation room, ever
This might make me sound kind of lame. But how many people do you know that let it all hang out like me? Listening to the Plainsunsets's "Find a way" for the first time again in years has made me incredibly happy. It brings back a lot of memories. I remember standing and waiting for the bus listening to "Up and Go". I remember how cool I used to think screaming in songs was. And this is not one of those "everything was so much better back then" feelings. Because you have no idea how awesome it is to get out of that box. Maybe you do, statistically you don't. It makes everything incredible. But far too often (at least for chronic losers like me) we think about where we went wrong when we look at the past. We don't think about the things we did right. I usually just remember the teenage angst and the longing livejournal posts. In hindsight, I had an amazing teenage experience. And it's shaped me into what I think is an acceptable adult. Despite my shortcomings. Just some thoughts. I'm in a good mood, I hope everyone that was along for the ride that is my past is too.
Well, a crumpled photograph.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Things I want
Castle walls- TI Christina
Friday, February 11, 2011
Yoshimi battles the pink robots-The flaming lips
Sentient beings, in layman terms, humans. Well well, Aren't we all ? This is gonna sound funny but it is really an apt way of describing our nature as it is. Take for example, we fall in love madly with total strangers, even movie stars, and forget that those around us who think we knew too tiresomely well are the ones who are willing to lay their lives for us out of love. Yes, i am referring to the true boundless love of parents that goes beyond most love.
We might pay to see our idols perform without hesitation while having second thoughts about giving more allowance to our parents for their well being. Oh and what about the idea of a terrific good time of drinking till you lose yourselves and then vomit your guts out despite the inevitability of a horrible hellish hangover the next morning? It's really these things that we never really thought of. Perhaps seemingly like the consequences that one may suffer thereafter. There are also countless other absurd idiosyncratic behaviours each of us deliver as an individual. Good or bad, it is never easy to make up for ones' misgivings and never falter again. Not easy at all. So hard it can be that we better start becoming blameless now.
Talk about how time flies. I cannot believe it's already mid feb!!! The year is drawing closer to an end. School has been keeping me busy. And suddenly life seems so settled. Mundane but settled. And for the first time, i'm contented with just the way it is.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Life
Have you ever looked at a person whose blood is the same as that within you and sometimes a common last name summoned by birth and wonder why those aren't even enough to mark love and destroy all the possible negativities between them? After all ,they are the people you grew up with, shared toys with and learnt the truth from the stories exchanged as life burgeons.
But what happens when all those are not enough to make them understand that regardless of it all, blood is always thicker than water and we should stand by family no matter how tough it may be when things get in our way - That brothers, sisters and cousins should always remember that these are the people they should hold true to their heart till the very end of their days. Because behind all of the ever changing circumstances, our parents will always want to see that we will love each other just as well as they have loved us.
If only you all agreed.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Human condition
Year after year and its the same things being written down, the same kind of celebration for the new year , a more selective group of friends for birthday parties and lesser things to be happy about. I would say its all part of growing up. In fact, i think its the right way to grow up. You get older, the more things you experience and happiness is less imminent to the things you thought that once meant the world to you.
Stepping into a town loses its excitement, i start thinking twice, the thrill of being the center of attention and all that shenanigan slowly but surely diminishes. I then ponder on how much time I've wasted. Both on 'friends' that weren't worth a penny right down to getting into arguments with ' ex-boyfriends' who when i think of right now, makes me want to regurgitate into a pail and force it all down their throats. Believe me, i could do all that. Sue me after for all i care but it won't be much of a remedy on my part because all of the time wasted is lost in a past i can no longer re-create.
However, I am not going to make up excuses and regrets. On the direct contrary, it's really just a blessing in disguise. I mean where will i be if none of those things happened to me? I would have been 18 and still walking around thinking that my world is surrounded with people who wants to party hard every other weekend and it is the same kind of people that want to have as many friends as they can just to fill some void in their heart? Who tells me that the person they have been close with is sometimes a pain in the ass and i'm supposed to think that i wasn't a possible victim of theirs? What kind of a hypocritical situation are you trying to land yourselves in? Many lack the ability to tell the truth. They're afraid to get angry , they want to keep a flawless and untainted impression of themselves and so they resort to telling some other friend about the shit he/she has been causing them instead of being upfront altogether with the one who is actually pissing them off.
What this world needs is someone who can show their true colors and not be afraid to do so. To absorb the veracity of their character from within and execute it with full potential. To be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know that the person looking back is a full-fledged YOU.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Combat baby- Metric
I could have done so much more with life if only i got my sleeping hours right. I only turn in at 2am and get up at 5am in the morning everyday.
The past few nights have been hardcore. The morning and afternoon shifts are a cut throat killer. I'm barely getting any sleep because i have to get up at certain timings on selected days just to sedate other daylight activities i am responsible for.
Anyhow, I promised a great day tomorrow.
Nip tuck is on right now.
So goodbye!
Glory box- Potishhead
I never meant to be all the bad things i have been. This world is a full cycle of cause and effect and whether you like it or not, it is, unfortunately, a cruel cruel world. Simply said, even the kindest souls these days live for themselves. Whoever that is up there gave us a pair of eyes to conveniently see what is in front of us but not eyes above or below because i very much believe that no one should behave anymore pompous than anyone else . We were all made only to live and see life ahead of us, but sadly, slowly but surely, see it fade away as age catches up and we will then find it hard to patch ourselves up both on the inside and out.
Getting morbid, aren't we all?
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